April 10, 2016 would have been my mother's 68th birthday. If you were lucky enough to know my mom, she was the most generous, funny, loving, nurturing, and spunky person I know. To know my mom, you need to understand her history. She was born in Cambodia and lived in a war torn country. Khmer Rouge regime was the communist ruling party from 1975-1979 and their goal was to purify the country by targeting the Chinese, Vietnamese, mixed Cambodians, the educated (whom can opposed them), and all other non-pure Khmer (Cambodian) blood. An estimated total of 2-2.5 million Cambodians were starved, tortured, and killed in the Cambodian Genocide to purify the country.
My mother was previously married and had two children. I don't know the details but they are no longer alive. My mother met and was arranged to marry my father as they tried to escape Phnom Penh and the Khmer Rouge in 1980. My mother told me that she and my father fled in a rain storm and was knee deep with me in her womb as they escaped Cambodia and arrived in a refugee camp in the city of Mairut, Thailand. This refugee camp is where I was born. About 6-8 months later, we were sponsored by a family in Lansing, New York were we flew and stayed in a trailer on their farm. On May 3, 1982, my sister was born in Ithica, New York.
She had endured losing her family and was forced to move out of the country into a world unknown to her. She and my father worked hard in a self-employed janitorial service that cleaned houses, businesses and churches. Eventually, they purchased a grocery store and at that point they had made their American Dream. My parents worked VERY hard every day, all to provide for my sister and I.
Through all of this, she was able to be one of the most generous people I know. We grew up poor and barely making it. We lived with family, eventually in a studio apartment on E20th and 13th Ave in Oakland, CA, and when they saved enough they bought a house on MacArthur Blvd. When we owned the store, she constantly gave away food to our regular customers that were on fixed incomes and sometimes were not able to pay. She held a tab for others that were short one week but could pay the next. She knew how tough it was to live marginally and she helped as many people as she could. Many of our customers called her Mom because she took care of them and was a motherly influence on them. At times she hated it, but I know she was happy inside knowing she can help others.
My mother always supported my sister and I through all of our interests, hobbies, sports, and education. She ensured we were exposed to different things. My mom would be at our swim practices, my sister's softball practices and be at some of my swim meets, tennis matches, football games, and hockey games. She was always busy with work, but she made the effort to be there to support us. As kids she sent us to Christian church camp every summer in the Sierra Mountains so that we can be more Americanized and assimilated. We were exposed to the wilderness instead of our urban home and being away from home for a week with strangers that became strong friends after years of church camp. Educationally, my mother wanted me to be a doctor like most Asian families. I didn't have that desire and was not motivated in high school to get excellent grades, I only did well enough to meet GPA requirements for sports that I played. My mom did see me graduate from Bishop O'Dowd High School and that was one of the proudest moments of her life.
In December 2000 when my mom passed away, I felt guilty for many years...even to this day. I could't protect her like she protected me. I didn't tell her I love her as much as I should. She didn't see me after my spinal cord injury and how much strength and perseverance she gave me to survive and thrive with my disability. She didn't get to meet my beautiful wife and I know my mom would love her. The worst part of losing her so soon was that she never had the opportunity to see me grow into the man I am today. Today I'm 35 years old and 15 years is a long time for me to evolve. She gave me a foundation and helped shape my character. She didn't get to see me marry the love of my wife; she didn't get a chance to love, cherish and spoil her twin grandchildren; and see how great of a father I am becoming.
If you are reading this, I want you to tell your mom that you love her, tell her how much you appreciate all she has done for you, spend more time with her and cherish every moment. You don't know how much you will miss her and have regrets until she is gone. I think of her every day and I know she is watching over me and my family, protecting me and loving me from a distance.
